TOP TEN–Movies You Wouldn’t Want to Watch With Your Mother

Caution: Mature Content

We’ve all had those moments. It’s family movie night, you pick something out that looks really fun, and for a while it’s going  well. Then out of nowhere the characters’ clothes start flying off and yep, it’s business time. OK, still not so bad, but then maybe there’s some moaning. Sweating? Oh no, not thrusting! I don’t know about everybody else, but I hate that. Some movies are just not meant to be watched with your entire family. There are a lot of these available for streaming subscribers, and I’ll count them down for you. Don’t worry, you’re not going to find any trashy movies or softcore porn on this list. I’ve kept it narrowed down to movies that have merit, and are actually worth watching…just not with your mother please.

10. Like Water for Chocolate (1993)

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It’s early twentieth century Mexico, and Tita has the hots for her brother-in-law Pedro. Forced into a life of service to her mother, she soon learns that her cooking has magical powers and she can channel her emotions through her food. She uses this gift to express her love, and in one amusing scene she causesa crowd of wedding guests to get all hot and bothered for each other. There is very little actual sex depicted in this movie but the story allows your imagination to run wild. I’m pretty sure you don’t want that kind of imagination in a room with mama.

Available on Netflix and HuluPlus.

9. Don’t Look Now (1973)

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Directed by Nicholas Roeg, a former cinematographer, Don’t Look Now is as beautiful as it is menacing. John and Laura Baxter (played by Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie) are in Venice, grieving their daughter’s death, when John begins to see haunting visions. There is only one sex scene but when it happens it packs a whallop. Intercut with premonitions in John’s mind, the steamy scene lasts nearly five minutes. It’s an incredibly intimate moment. You could watch this movie with your wife, but not your mom.

Available on Netflix.

8. Trainspotting (1996)

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A wild adventure through the drug-infested underground of Edinburgh, this is the story of one man’s journey to give up and get out. Unfortunately his addict friends and the lure of heroin make it very hard to do and he decides he needs one last high. This leads to drug-induced tomfoolery that includes, among other things, sex with a 15 year old girl. Trainspotting is gritty and unyielding; it is an ugly movie. But it’s just the right kind of ugly.

Available on Netflix, HuluPlus, and Amazon Prime Instant Video.

 

7. Fetishes (1996)

USA. New York City. 1995. Pandora's Box, Ready for Mistress Kayla, The Dungeon.

This one is the only documentary on the list, probably because most documentaries about sex end up being either too tame or too vile. Fetishes is neither. It is a look into the world of S & M that is entertaining and intriguing without being exploitative. Strange as it may be, it’s actually deeply personal and there is a real human element there.

Available on HuluPlus.

6. Swimming Pool (2003)

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Sarah Morton (Charlotte Rampling) is a mystery novelist hoping for inspiration while vacationing at her publisher’s house in the South of France. One day a catalyst arrives in the form of the publisher’s carefree, hypersexual daughter Julie (Ludivine Sagnier). Sarah’s puritanical nature crashes head on with Julie’s reckless behavior. Murder, intrigue, and nipples ensue.

Available on Netflix.

5. Quills (2000)

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Geoffrey Rush is spot-on as the flamboyantly insane Marquis de Sade, and Kate Winslet is captivating as his curious caretaker. The movie is more about obsession and madness than it is about the physical act of sex, and the dialogue is more titillating than the images. Nevertheless, you may want to shield your eyes when Rush let’s it ALL hang out.

Available on Netflix and Amazon Prime Instant Video.

4. Y Tu Mamá También (2001)

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Oh how I love Alfonso Cuaron. He can take any type of movie and weave it into something much more profound than it deserves to be. Y Tu Mamá También is essentially a road trip sex romp, but the characters are so well written, and the tension so masterfully paced, that you are mesmerized by the story. This movie is smokin’.

Available on Netflix and HuluPlus.

3. Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

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I know, I know. It sounds like pure smut, but Zack and Miri is actually a really sweet, really funny movie, if you can look past all the genitalia. Underneath all it’s porn talk there is a real romance developing between the title characters (Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks).

Available on Netflix.

2. Last Tango in Paris (1972)

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Marlon Brando has never been more powerful than in this film about sex, that’s not really about sex. One day Brando’s character Paul encounters Jeanne (played by Maria Schneider). They begin an affair that is supposed to be based only on sex (no names, no details) but there is so much more beneath the surface, as Paul is ultimately just coping with his wife’s suicide. The reason you don’t want to watch it with your mother? That would be the infamous “butter” scene.

Available on Amazon Prime Instant Video.

1. In the Realm of the Senses (1976)

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The first time I watched this film from Japanese master Nagisa Oshima , I couldn’t finish it. It was too sexually explicit, and I just wasn’t ready for that. I came back to it a few years later understanding that different cultures have different views on sexuality. In the Realm of the Senses turned out to be an uncompromising look at sexuality and desire. It’s the story of a man in pre-war Japan and his affair with a servant–the infamous Sada Abe. Their obsession grows and grows until it becomes more valuable to them even than their own lives. It’s a courageous and striking piece of cinematic history, but it’s certainly not for everybody.

Available on Hulu Plus.

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